The Untold: Get The Untold Story Behind The Dating Game - Christian Hip-Hop Blog |Most Trusted CHH Blog

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Wednesday, August 29, 2018

The Untold: Get The Untold Story Behind The Dating Game

A brief view of modern day romance, dating in the past, how women lost their leverage and the caveat in all these.
A few years ago there was a lady in my life (Let’s call her) angel. We were hooked up one night in a birthday party we both attended, we easily got along and when things started winding down, I offered to take her home and she agreed. On our way back, we chatted and flirted a little the whole night, which probably swayed her into convincing me to come in for a drink. She was subletting a very nice home. She made us both a nice cocktail, which we drank as we argued, chatted and laughed throughout the process. Eventually, I started getting a little drunk, I remember drunkenly saying something like “angel you’re a very charming lady” and she replied “you’re a pretty charming guy too”. The encounter was promising at least we had both agreed “we were charming people”.
After that event, I wanted to see angel again and I was faced with a simple conundrum that plagues us all. How and when do I communicate next? DO I CALL? , DO I TEXT? , DO I WHATS’APP OR SEND A FB MSG?.
Eventually, I decided to whats’app her, since she seemed a heavy whats’apper gal. But before I did so, I waited a few days so as not to seem overeager.

There was a music concert around our locality; the performing artist was the one we had listened to the evening we spent together. This was a perfect move for me.
Here is my text to her: “hey angy, I don’t know if you are still in town but, _____ is playing after tomorrow night. Do you want to go? I could even make you perform at the event.

A firm ask with a little joke (I could even make you perfume). I knew I wasn’t head-over-heels in love with Angel, but she seemed really cool and it felt like we had a good bond.
As I waited for her response, I started picturing our hypothetical relationship, perhaps future marriage, I daydreamed of how I was going to make her go to places she’d never been before.
A few minutes went by and the status of my text message changed to “READ”. My heart stopped beating; this was the moment of truth. I braced myself and watched how the signal appeared say “Typing” a response. But then in a few seconds THEY VANISHED. And no response from angel.
Hmmm…. What happened?
A few minutes go by and …. Nothing
She’s probably crafting her perfect response, she also probably didn’t want to seem overeager and be writing back so fast.
15 minutes later….. Nothing
Two hours later…. Nothing
4 hours later …. Gang

Panic, I started starring at my original text. Once so confident , now all I could see were errors. “I’m so stupid” I told myself, I should have typed heyyyy and not hey with one Y; or maybe I asked too many questions or may be the joke wasn’t that funny!
Then my spirit came back telling me “what’s wrong with you? Be calm”. To which I replied ok! No big deal, she’s probably busy, I’m sure she’ll get back to me as soon as possible.
A whole day goes by and my thoughts get crazier. What happened to her? Did her phone fall in water? Or in a trashcan or in fire?
I shared my dilemma with few friends and they were like; “c’mon man it’s fine. She’ll get back to you. May be she is busy. Then I looked on social media and the fool is online on all platforms. The worst part is, they she is busy to answer me but she has the time to post pics of a cat on instagram. At this point I’m distraught and what happens? Breakthrough moment, I pondered that; MAY BE SHE DIDN’T SEE MY TEXT.

This is when I started contemplating a second text, that notwithstanding, I got hesitant; I’ve never heard of a whatsa’app malfunction.
Finally it dawned on me that she simply wasn’t interested. How hard was it to believe the truth. But even if she wasn’t interested, why didn’t she just say NO to my offer?
I finally didn’t go to the concert; I instead met with friends and bitched about this sad experience of mine.” AZIZ. This is what AZIZ went through with Angel.
Right into this description of modern day pre-dating, you might be curious to find out, but how was it in the past? Was it any easier or was it even harder?

The brief history of dating

People have been on the earth for thousands of years. During all of this time there was no dating as we know it today until about 100 years ago. Before that people got to know one another as they worked together in the community and marriages happened quickly without any dating. The closest people came to dating was something called “courting” or “calling” which existed up until the mid-1920’s in America.

Courting was a formal process where a man came over to a woman’s house and, if she allowed him in, they would spend time in the parlour under the supervision of the woman’s parents. It was a time of talking and other parlour activities. The purpose of “courting” was to determine if the couple should be married. They either married or the process of calling was ended relatively quickly.
The advantage of this process was that the woman and her parents had control of the situation.
After World War II dating changed dramatically. The automobile provided not only privacy from parental supervision but privacy from the public. At the same time people no longer thought of “dating” as something you do as a final evaluation before marriage. It was now an end in itself. It was a chance to “have some fun”.

It also completed the transition of power from the woman to the man.
 The man picked up the woman, took her away from her parents, paid for the entertainment, etc. The man now had control of the situation. Dating was now viewed primarily as a method of entertainment as well as an indicator of social status (popularity).
Today it rare that dating has any correlation with marriage. Back then, there was little, if any, opportunity to engage in sensuality (kissing and touching) much less sexual activity. The intent of both people was clear. They knew each other from observation in public settings and activities in the community and church. Now they were exploring the possibility of marriage. Discussions of intent or “where the relationship was going” were not needed.

The modern day romance

She was my colleague, she was married and I respected that. I wouldn’t have made a voice call to say little jokey things to her. It would have been weird. Since it was just texting, it seemed pretty innocuous. But as it went on, we both couldn’t help but realize, there was a spark between us. When you’re both on your phones, you have this safe zone that no one else can break into. It was this private little world where we could talk about all the stress and confusion and love that the whole dilemma was creating. If it weren’t for text messages, and social media, I’m not sure anything would have started between us.

This is what in modern parlance we call SEXTING.
 The phenomenon of sending erotic msgs or anything thereof to your partner or partner to be. This is the new form of dating, cheating and assessing your partner.
In the example displayed above from a community I’m part of subreddit; the married lady and her colleague both end up together. Happily married

Now if you are keen to what happens on social media or let’s say sexting; you might hold the same opinion I held, which was “technology doesn’t turn us into cheats, if you’re a cheat; you’re going to cheat, be there social media or not”. Why because in the end social media or no social media they are two people in flesh performing the acts.
However, despite the fact that a faithful person won’t start cheating because someone sent them a winky face picture, we can say; “technology makes cheating easier but it doesn’t make faithfulness any harder”.

Back to our original experience of Aziz and Angel, what did you notice? Though we have evolved into this new form of dating, where we no longer see each other infront of our parents, the lady has taken upon her the double role of both her parents and her. She is the one to set the pace and take back her leverage from men, which was well expressed with what angel did.
A last example of sexting I observed was this:

Guy: whatcha up to?
Girl: nothing just watching a movie in bed
Guy: cool y’know it is really bad for a bed to have only one person in it. Throw off the balance in the long run, I could come over and help.

(long pause, dude waits)

Guy: jk, I know nothing about beds. G’night.
Do you see??? Women do have the leverage.
We might be tempted to fall into this new world of modern day romance, thereby abandoning the good old habits. It is not hidden truth that many do find their soul mates via social media but there caveats to consider.

Beware of who you become because of these technology and remember: the words of the sage Apostle Paul:
I Corinthians 7:1-9
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6But this I say by way of concession, not of command. 7Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Whatever type of relationship you are in the principles are the same:
- If you feel the need for physical intimacy with that person, GO MARRY HIM/HER. If not, you’re not ready.
- YOU MIGHT DATE but be aware of the risks. (no dating before university)
- You date to marry not for social status.
- Date when you’re ready for marriage

Leslie micheal ACE
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