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Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Growth Recipes: Breast Feeding, Safety Choices and The Risk That Scares



Breast feeding is the only way to guarantee the healthy and intellectual development of the child vs bottle feeding is a better way to guarantee that;
A crying child should be allowed to cry and not be picked up unless in pains vs a baby shouldn’t be left to cry.
We get confused everyday by these experts, what should we do

     Les frères Scott

Growing up as a child this was a trend almost everywhere I got to, a blockbuster series titled “one tree hill” in French “les frères scott”.  In season 2 episode 6 there is a duel between two guys they are driving into each other from opposite directions. The end game is both of them colliding into each other, now as they speed up into each other; if one of them swerves, he loses and the other person wins, the person who swerved is considered a coward or yielder, and the winner considered a darer.  This is the dare or yield game; akin to the hawk-dove theory. How often do you get this statement “Be a man”? If you’re a man, what they mean is be a darer, not a yielder.

The fear that scares vs the fear that kills

In Mendong (Yaoundé) at a certain level after the gendarmerie, you find two houses rented by tourists. In one the dad owns a gun but isn’t in the army, in the other they possess a swimming pool. They are neighbours and have neighbours around them. If you were a parent, and were their neighbour which of those houses would you prohibit your kid from entering?  Almost everyone I asked this question to answered; “I’ll prevent my child from entering the house with a gun”. This is a good choice if you don’t love your kid.  That choice isn’t smart at all according to experience and data. Why? For the five years that I lived in that quarter 3 kids died while entering the house with the pool via drowning, non-died entering  the house with the gun. A separate research in the France expressed that, in a given year there is one drowning of a child for every 11,000 residential pools. Meanwhile, there is 1 child killed by a gun for every 1 million-plus guns. The short answer was death by pool is 1 in 11,000 and 1 in a 1,000,000- plus by gun.
Why would all of us choose the house with the swimming pool?  We do that because the thought of your child being shot on the chest with a neighbour’s gun is gruesome and horrifying thereby, scaring. But, a swimming pool doesn’t create that image, it doesn’t scare, it simply kills.
Sandman once used the control principle to determine risk. He argues that, risk = hazard + bitterness. To him both don’t carry equal weight; if a person dies due to a hazard we underreact, if it’s due to a meditated act we overreact. Hence, if your child dies due to an accident e.g drowning you’d underreact whereas, if it’s premeditated e.g gunshot you’d overreact (bitterness). This happens even with the fathers of the nation imagine a billion being put on the table and our parliamentarians asked to work on one of these two things; fight terrorism or fight heart attack. Which do you think they would choose? The one that scares.

The problem with experts

All expects on parenting have done is confound us. I instead get confused after listening to SOS doctor on CRTV. There are conventional recommendations and recommendations that are created by the hour. This is how it plays out:
  • Some experts differ from one another;
  • Others agree en mass with what exist;
  • Others claim that old wisdom is bad and new wisdom good;
  • The last set just believes everything.

Their confused recommendations

  • Breast feeding is the only way to guarantee the healthy and intellectual development of the child vs bottle feeding is a better way to guarantee that;
  • A baby should be put to bed on her back vs on her stomach;
  • Eating liver is toxic vs liver is imperative for the child’s brain development’
  • Spare the rod and spoil the child vs use the rod and lose your child’s love and trust
  • Sleeping alone is harmful for a baby’s psychological development vs the child being brought to the family bed is essential for his development
  • A crying child should be allowed to cry and not be picked up unless in pains vs a baby shouldn’t be left to cry.
Parenting experts like leadership experts and experts on other fields are prone to sound very sure of themselves. They hardly argue on both sides, to them; the person who takes both sides gets no attention. Hence, you should be bold enough to expound your point only as an expert.
What this causes is public emotion for emotion is the opposite of rational judgement. This emotion is fear and it comes to most young parents I know, who are guardians of vulnerable beings, more helpless than the newborns of any other species.
I asked, abodo, Brenda, crescence, raissa etc new and young mothers what their take was on the five recommendations listed above and they had no clue. To them, what they heard first is what they believe. They didn’t dare to examine what they heard, they just yielded.   Are you a YIELDER OR DARER in parenting?
If you figure out which of these recommendations is more appropriate for your child before or in your early parenting process you’re a good parent, a darer. If you ignore the fuss and put no action in separating rumours from facts—it’s up to you, you’re the yielder, which isn’t bad.  The notion of a good parent is very hard to answer, do good parents exist? We’d never know, but he who tries to figure out what works for his kid and reads on parenting is a good parent to me.

Written By Leslie Micheal V. (ACE)

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